I spent a long time in my career working with Domestic Violence. DV to most people brings up visions of battered and broken women that are seen on police shows on TV, but abuse can often be less violent and more insidious in relationships.

   The type of abuse I'm talking about here is verbal and psychological abuse and you may not even understand that it is occuring in your relationship. Verbal and psychological abuse occurs when there is name calling, put downs and a tone of distain used towards another. Shaming or humiliation may occur. Threats of abandoment or physical violence may occur.

     The abuse may be mutual (both parties are doing it) or it may be done by one partner to another. Some people may feel that they have a right to act that way if they are angry, but abuse can never be excused in a loving relationship! Often there is a high level of denial that abuse is even happening. Often the victim is blamed for "making me do it". Over time, love is eroded by this type of abuse. Fear, resentment and shame replace the love and caring.

     If you recognize that verbal or psychological abuse is present in your relationship, please find assistance immediately. These problems do not go away by themselves! Nobody really wants to be abusive to their loved ones and not one wants to be abused. There is a national DV hotline and assistance in most communities.