What a relief it is when we feel like we are understood! Sometimes when our relationships begin to disconnect we might say, "We have had a mis-understanding". Over time, mis-understandings can lead to deeply held hurt and resentment. Feeling know and understood leads to more intimacy and connection.

     When we are communicating, we are often seeking to make ourselves understood. That makes sense! Might I suggest that it is more important in our intimate relationship that we seek to gain understanding of our mates and to let them know that they are understood?

In communication, we can hold-off responding until we know that we completely understand what our partner has communicated to us. I didn't say that we assume we have understood!

We can give feedback to what we have heard....."So I hear that.......". We can ask clarifying questions....."So when you said......did you mean.....?". We can ask for a deeper understanding by saying........"Would you tell me more about when you feel that way?".

     Seeking to understand is a deeply loving action that you can take today in your relationship. Giving someone the gift of deep listening helps to form connection.