As as couple's therapist, counselor and coach I am witness both the best and the worst in couple's relationships. Sometimes I go home after work and I think how exhausting it must be to be locked into perpetual conflict with the person you are supposed to love and who is supposed to love you. Sometimes a couple seems to have lost their notion of what they are really fighting about or for.

     People fight for a variety of reasons. They fight because they are hurt or wounded in some way. They fight to be right. They fight to be understood. They fight to gain power or control.

Does anyone ever ask themselves the question, "Will this fight bring me a more loving relationship?" or "Is there any other means to getting what I need right now besides fighting?"

     Conflict is a natural part of relatioships, but continual battle does not create more loving, understanding and intimate relationships. You can choose to learn more effective ways to get your needs met. You can practice more loving and companssionate communication. You can fight for your relationship by learning not to fight. What are you willing to fight for? Is the method that you are currently using working for you?